Access to Queer Spaces

Why do people in a majority feel entitled to minority spaces?

So apparently this is something I end up having to talk about again on the book of faces. And that’s exclusion and inclusion, and what they mean. And why those things are important.

There’s this idea in the world that people of the majority in a population get to infiltrate the spaces of people in the minority. This occurs across many populations, most notably among races, sexualities, genders, religions, and other small groups who gather to share lived experiences.

Now, I’m not able to comment on race, as I’m white. And even though my girlfriend is a beautiful black woman, I do not, nor will I ever, expect that I am entitled to black spaces. Those are not for me, and I know that. It doesn’t bother me at all, and of course, if I am invited into that space, I will be honored, but I will not expect such from anyone, including my girlfriend.

I can comment on queer spaces.

I find, though, that cisgender and heterosexual (hereafter referred to as cishet) people feel entitled to access to our spaces. They use the excuse that it’s about “inclusion.” They say it isn’t fair that they are not invited into our spaces freely. They say they shouldn’t be excluded since we include everyone else. But if we allowed everyone into our spaces, we wouldn’t exist anymore. There would be no meaning behind the word queer. It would be meaningless because the differentiation is important.

It is a matter of experience. Cishet people can’t be put to death in certain areas of the world for being cishet. Cishet people didn’t have to fight for their right to exist without living in secret. Cishet people don’t have to defend their existence against a flood of hate in every waking moment. Cishet people don’t have to hide still today out of fear that someone will murder them for being cishet. Cishet people aren’t the victims of corrective rape. Cishet people aren’t the victims of conversion therapy. Cishet people are able to exist within the world without fear of these things. Queer people don’t have that luxury.

Being a witch is the same thing. How many Christians will try to invite themselves to esbats or sabbats? I’m not sure, because some Christians are too convinced we should be death for what we believe (ironically, just like they feel about queer people). I’m not saying being Christian is bad or anything is wrong with it. My girlfriend is also a Christian, and I respect her beliefs because they are important to her. But she also respects mine. She doesn’t expect to be included in my witchy stuff unless I ask her. I love pulling cards, but she requests I don’t do it for her. Which, again, I respect. Because she is willing to accept that difference between us, much like she accepts me as a white person.

So, what makes cishets think they deserve inclusion in spaces not meant for them? And why does it upset them so much when we don’t include them?

Well, I don’t know for sure, but I hypothesize that it has something to do with the fact that they’ve run the show for so long, they don’t know what it is like to NOT have the rest of the world cater to them. Everything is built for cishet people (read: white, Christian, able-bodied, middle class, etc). They think they are entitled to have access to everything they want, and they can’t understand that there are spaces not meant for them. They’ve never suffered just to live.

I guess I’m just ruminating on the issue right now, because after cancer (another area people try to intrude on when they’ve never had cancer) I’ve become very aware of what I spend my time thinking about and doing. I don’t have patience anymore to coddle someone. I try to educate people about things they don’t know, but there’s a point where the entitlement overrides everything I try to teach.

So, yeah, the rainbows are pretty and all that. But, like Pride itself, they represent people striving to be treated as human beings with basic rights and equal representation in the world. When you’ve never had to fight for your right to live unabused and unafraid, you don’t get to trample in spaces of those who have.